The Long Grief Journey

We are entering the season parties, holidays, gatherings, and traditions. Whether we live with or socialize with many people, or live alone and have a smaller social circle, it’s tough not notice or absorb the energy that goes with it all. It can be so hard, even years after a loss, to do all the things that can feel required of us.

For some, this time of year can feel like something to just get through and get over. The hole or holes created by the deaths of people we love get bigger, harder to ignore, and sometimes deeper. Avoiding painful feelings can become a full-time job.

What if, instead of avoiding the holes created by our losses, we acknowledge them, sit by them, look inside them and explore what it is to go through a first, or yet another, holiday without a loved one? What could that look like?

It might sound silly, but something I’ve found helpful is to acknowledge out loud what I am feeling. It sounds something like, “Wow, I cannot believe how much this hurts, going through this time without _______________”. Or, “I wish you could see the beautiful rays of light shining through the tall grasses on this chilly November day. I miss you so much.” Then, I let myself just feel. Feel the sensations in my body, notice the places my thoughts drift to, experience being alive in this moment of grief. Some days, I do this a lot. Sometimes not.

What I have found is that I never regret taking a moment to be with what is true in my heart, even if it is painful. Somehow, the holes become less scary, and more part of the landscape that I can travel in my day to day. And I can simply be with my grief.

What do you do, to tend to yourself this time of year?